reflections & fragments (II)
personal journal excerpts
Beyond the capsule of the known world is a language uninterpretable by humans. An intelligence so vast and omniscient that no great mind or science can fathom its surface. Even these words are simple nursery rhymes. A juvenile understanding. The nonsense cooing of a baby. Lower, even. The awareness of a bug trampled underfoot, incapable of understanding what is right in front of them.
We are so far from enlightenment. So early and more barbaric than we think. We have only progressed in technology, in science, in automating survival. But in abstract matters of the spirit, of the mind, in both thinking and living, we have undeniably devolved.
The rise of AI may be, alone, what challenges humanity and its artists to create something completely new. Completely novel. Something that cannot be immediately reasoned or mimicked, both because of its abstract quality and its newness. Something utterly radical. Ubiquitously human.
Intellectual despondency is what I fall into from time to time. Stringing a sentence together in a way that makes sense is a laborious task for me. Dust settles upon my brain. I am dead. Rotten. Creatively inept. Self-crucifying. Pitiful. Apathetic. And lost. Above all, lost.
“No great writing has ever been done in a warm climate.”
That is true.
We need solitude and a lack of vitamin D to succeed in the realm of thought. But now, our brains themselves have become warm climates. And literature, today, is seen as a shade — an obstacle to eternal summer’s comfort.
“Why would we not want to be warm and tan if given the option?”
That is also true. But it is the cold and pale that I love. They alone contain my vision of beauty.
A mind that operates in abstractions is free from all obstruction. That’s why it’s hard for me to walk in a straight line. In my mind, there are no straight lines. Only alternative possibilities.
Haha about intellectualism, what a farce.
Haha about a lot of things, including vagueness and ambiguity.
Haha about craving acceptance, from any who will give it.
Haha about the ego and the lone wolf and the misfit.
Haha about the lies we tell ourselves and others.
Haha about truth masquerading as lies.
Haha about symbolism and esoteric verse.
Haha about the well worn trope of irony and cynicism and self-awareness.
Haha about breaking history down into eras — all history is the same.
Haha about philosophy and feigned sophistication and all prior engagements.
Haha about attention spans.
Haha about me.